Attack of the Facial Flaws
by evilrabidplotbunnies
Summary: Oneshot. A wave of acne sweeps through Hogwarts! No one can escape! What will they do?


Attack of the Facial Flaws

Author's Note: Hi! If you are reading this, you have either:

Read one of my other stories,

Have found one of my stories on someone else's favorites list, or

Are aimlessly searching around for stories to read to occupy your time.

Either way, enjoy, and don't forget to REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters. And, about the facial flaws, let's just say that don't belong to _me alone_…

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_The One and Only Chapter_

Harry was sitting in the Common Room, his head drooping slightly, and his potions book sitting on his lap. It had been a long day at Hogwarts, and the rainy and miserable weather has done nothing to improve his mood. All over Hogwarts, students were feeling the same way. Even Arnold the Pygmypuff's usually buoyant spirit had been helplessly crushed by the dismal rain and unpleasant attitudes of the Hogwarts students.

But, something was about to change. At that moment, something would happen that would force publishers to make an eleventh edition of Hogwarts: A History. That very second, as Harry slept, something big was about to happen, and the unsuspecting students were... well... unsuspecting.

Harry scratched his face.

I repeat, _Harry scratched his face_.

Normally, this wouldn't be a significant thing, but as you may or may not know, being a teenager makes you abnormally susceptible to getting pimples. And zits, let's not forget the zits.

Over the course of the next few hours, while Harry was sleeping peacefully and dreaming about something that I am not allowed to discuss because this story is only rated T, a small pimple developed on his face. A pimple! Apparently, that particular pimple didn't know that pimples, like itself, do not grow on the face of heroes, such as the Chosen One. Had that pimple been aware of this fact, it would have surely died of pure fright. But, it didn't know that it was taking up 0.001 percent of the face of Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived. That pimple had no idea of what tremendous horror it would cause.

When Harry awoke the next morning from his (cough) dream, you could only imagine what he said as he opened his eyes and greeted the morning… er... rain.

"AAAHHH!" Harry cried. And, yes, that's AAHHH! with a capital A and seven exclamation points.

You might wonder what this fine, handsome young man would possibly be dreaming about at this hour in the morning, but that is beside the point.

What Harry didn't know was that there, on two centimeters from the left (that's my left, not his) of his nose and one inch away from his cheekbone, the tiny pimple sat happily.

Throughout the day, the pimple grew larger as it fed on… whatever pimples eat. Soon, people passing by had noticed Harry's new facial flaw. Yes, they noticed.

"OH MY GOODNESS, HARRY! WHAT IS ON YOUR FACE!" a startled Hermione Granger exclaimed.

Harry looked in a mirror that Hermione provided. Indeed, the pimple had taken on a particularly gruesome form that I am not willing to describe, so you'll just have to imagine it.

Ever since this remark, Harry has felt inclined to wear a mask such as that worn by the Phantom of the Opera (who knows what's really behind that mask, perhaps another pimple?).

Overnight, the pimple invited a friend over.

The next morning, Harry was screaming again. But this time, not because of his dreams.

"Harry, you need to do something!" Hermione exclaimed at breakfast that day.

"Do what?" Harry asked.

"Here, I'll perform a charm so it'll disappear!" Hermione suggested.

She did.

You can imagine how the pimples felt about being charmed off. They were mad. Real mad.

Suddenly, another pimple popped up on Harry's face.

"Heh?" Harry said, for a lack of words. "Ehh," Harry moaned, examining his face.

Needless to say, this is not good.

Ginny walked over and sat next to Harry, before immediately scooting away. Far away.

"What is _that_?" Ginny asked.

Harry groaned. This was gonna be a long day.

After lunch, Harry, under Hermione's persuasion, went to visit Madam Pomfrey.

She was… flabbergasted, to say the least.

No matter how many horrible-tasting liquids Harry was forced to drink, no matter how many spells Madam Pomfrey attempted, no matter how many times Harry yelled in frustration, no matter how many times the mirror cracked when Harry peered hopefully into it (which is fourteen years of bad luck, you know), the pimples only multiplied steadily.

"Harry, m'dear," Madam Pomfrey said after two hours of combating the deadly pimples. "You have an acute case of _acne_."

"WHAT!" Harry shouted, disturbing the nearby patients who were in a considerably better state than he was at the moment. "ACNE!" Harry repeated. Acne was something that Muggles, Dudley in particular, got frequently and tried to treat, but with no avail. Those pimples were certainly not worthy of Harry's face.

Harry returned to the Common Room that night in great distress. Unfortunately, the Common Room was packed with people. That night, Harry's list of names got longer, with the addition of "Pizza Face", right between "The Chosen One" and "Guy Who is Afraid of Getting Pictures Taken by Colin Creevy".

Of course, that was the least of Harry's problems.

The next morning, Ron woke up with a pimple on the middle of his nose.

"Ron," Hermione said at breakfast. "You need to wash your face! If you had used proper hygiene, this never would have happened!"

But, as we all know, hygiene had nothing to do with it. Before long, _everybody_ at Hogwarts had acne.

One day, Hermione showed up at breakfast with a nasty pimple on her right cheek.

Two days later, Snape had a large pimple right in between his eyebrows, which everybody constantly stared at, much to his annoyance.

Nobody could escape the attack of the evil pimples.

At dinner, a week after Harry got his first pimple, Dumbledore made an announcement that would change their lives... or rather… faces.

"Students of Hogwarts," Dumbledore said gravely. You would've thought that someone had died by the tone of his voice. "I am saddened to announce that Hogwarts is under the attack of a widespread case of acne. Apparently," Dumbledore said, rubbing the side of his face where three pimples stood proudly, "_None_ of us are immune. Madam Pomfrey has informed me that we all suffer from a disease called _Acute Skin Syndrome_."

Many students laughed. _Acute Skin Syndrome_ made an interesting acronym…

Dumbledore waited for the students to settle down. When that didn't happen, "SHUT UP!" Dumbledore roared. It's amazing what a few facial flaws can do to people.

The students stared at him.

"Anyways, everybody is required to wash their faces with soap and water three times a day. The school is also ordering some of _Anne's Amazing Acne Antidote_, which will be delivered as soon as possible. That is all," he said, taking a seat.

The students murmured.

"This had better work," Harry thought savagely.

Sadly it was weeks before _Anne's Amazing Acne Antidote_ arrived, and the conditions of the students only got worse and worse. Soon, people's faces were indistinguishable from their friends. Hogwarts was in trouble. Big trouble.

Two weeks later, AAAA arrived. It was immediately distributed among the students, who used it eagerly.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all tried it, but nothing happened. The acne only got dramatically worse, if possible.

At a meeting with the Hogwarts teachers, Dumbledore looked very disturbed.

"It's time to call in the experts," Dumbledore announced. The teachers gasped.

"You don't mean…" McGonagall said in wonder.

"Yes, Minerva, _them_. They're the only ones who can help," Dumbledore said.

Three days later, Fred and George Weasley arrived at Hogwarts with a large trunk full of their _Patented Pimple Poofer_.

The students used it at once, and saw immediate results. PPP was remarkable. Within minutes, the faces of the Hogwarts students were returned to normal, and Hogwarts was safe from the evil pimples.

It was even sunny outside again, but that is unimportant. The students of Hogwarts were now free from facial flaws, and Fred and George made a ton of money, and had a good laugh at everybody's face.

Fred and George saved Hogwarts… at a price of twenty Galleons a bottle.

Hopefully, the tiny little pimple who started it all has learned a lesson, but maybe not...

THE END!

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Author's Note: Well, I hope you liked it! I might do a sequel... What do you think?

Please check out my other stories and visit my "interesting" profile page…

Please review, or else I will personally send the evil little pimple out to get you! MWHAHAHA!


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